I Stopped Should-ing on Myself

Right now I should be at the gym. On the stairmaster. Step after step, sweat dripping down my fair-winter complexion. Instead, I've chosen to eat a vanilla cupcake frosted in baby pink buttercream deliciousness rolled in an outer layer of vibrant, playful sprinkles as I watch the people meander by outside my window. I must say, I am quite content.

I have found that it is so refreshing to live life from my own heartbeat. I believe I spent my first twenty-five years 'shoulding' on myself. Yes, I did say shoulding. Yes, it is an expression that I picked up during my time in counseling. And no, I am not afraid to say that I was, in fact, in counseling. Everybody needs a little help sometimes.

I have always heard that your 20's are a time period of figuring out some things. Getting comfortable in your own skin. For me, this decade has been precisely about that. Life is about balance, and more and more I have found that the 80/20 rule holds true. 80% of the time, it is important to stick to the 'should' of eating a plate of organic veggies and lean meat from Whole Foods and going to by Bikram Yoga class. But, the other 20% of the time I love the freedom to eat decadently and sit on a park bench, bask in the spring sunshine and watch people scurry along and squirrels nurse their winter's stock of nuts. And I love that I finally feel the freedom in that balance instead of punishing myself for never doing enough, for eating too much sugar, for not being so efficient enough today... blah ... blah-blah ... blah-blah.

Today was a damn good day. A bit chilly, but good. Worked a bit, enjoyed time with a dear friend in Brooklyn, went to a Russian nook for some traditional lamb dumplings and homemade puree of carrot-ginger soup. I took time to see today. To look at the architecture of the buildings as I walked. To take joy in children as they skipped down the street. To savor each rainbow-colored sprinkle on that cupcake. Enjoying the small things in life and cherishing them as life's delicacies is a beautiful thing. I might just go and pour myself a glass of wine.